


On Figuring It Out

by foliedemars



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime)
Genre: ADHD, Anxiety, Awkward Conversations, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Platonic Male/Male Relationships, Sexuality Crisis, Young Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 19:28:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29176434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foliedemars/pseuds/foliedemars
Summary: Goh is questioning his sexuality, and has recurring thoughts that are making him feel anxious. He is concerned he isn't normal, so he consults with his roommate Ash in the early morning hours.This is a platonic conversation between adolescents about sexuality.It is written in rough screenplay format.
Relationships: Gou | Goh/Satoshi | Ash Ketchum
Kudos: 34





	On Figuring It Out

On Figuring It Out  
by foliedemars  
2/3/21

Cerise Lab  
In the bunk room  
Just before sunlight  
ASH is lying in the top bunk  
GOH is sitting on the side of the bottom bunk

Ash hears Goh sniff  
Ash turns over and looks downward upon Goh

ASH: Hey there. You OK?

Goh looks at the floor

GOH: Ash, does your mind ever race around and around a mental track, and you can't put on the brakes?

Ash sits up

ASH: Huh?

GOH: You know. Can't stop thinking about the same thing over and over? Or someone?

Ash climbs off of the bunk and sits on the floor, facing Goh

ASH: Oh, sure. All the time.

Ash smiles

ASH: That's normal, I think.

Goh's eyes widen

GOH: It is?

Ash shrugs

ASH: I guess so. I mean, I figure everyone is thinking about some things more than others.

GOH: Or someone. I can't seem to stop, and I keep asking myself what's wrong with me.

Goh shuffles his bare feet on the floor.  
Goh looks at Ash.

GOH: I can't stop thinking about people because they won't leave my head.

Ash squints his eyes, offering a big smile

ASH: Aww, there's nothing wrong with you. Besides, who are you thinking about so much?

Goh nearly interrupts Ash in a deadpan tone

GOH: You mean besides you?

Ash glares at Goh for two beats, then laughs

GOH: No, I mean it, Ash. When you're not around, I miss everything about you -

Goh slyly grins at Ash

GOH: even the stuff that annoys me. But I also can't get another friend off of my mind. I haven't seen him in a long time, but I keep remembering him over the least little thing. Like, walking through tall grass, or being startled by a bug, or the wind blowing through someone's hair. And I get sad, and feel...lonely, I guess. Sometimes, it's actually painful.

Ash looks somber  
Ash rises and sits beside Goh on the bed

ASH: I'm sorry I laughed. I wasn't making fun of you. I mean, I thought you were joking, you know, but I'm sorry. I would love to meet your friend sometime!

Ash's face beams for one beat  
Ash's face returns somber

ASH: And thanks for thinking of me, too.

Goh looks down with tears in eyes  
Goh nods

GOH: I'm happy to have you as a friend, Ash. I've never met anyone like you. Your energy is out of this world, and your silly enthusiasm makes me laugh. You're a joy to know, even though I don't show it well.

Ash is quietly enthusiastic

ASH: Oh, you show it. Sometimes the look on your face makes me wish I could read your mind. And you're so caring toward me, and everyone! Especially your Pokémon. 

Ash bumps his shoulder against Goh's shoulder

ASH: I notice more than you think, Goh. I just don't always know how to respond, because I've never met anyone like you before, either. But you're really special, and when I think about the adventures we've had, I can't imagine having had them with anyone else. I'm so glad it was you.

Goh looks up at Ash with a tearful smile  
Goh whispers

GOH: You mean it?

ASH: Of course I mean it. You wear confidence like, I don't know, some kind of veil. But underneath that veil is the sweetest guy with the softest heart. I remember that time when we saw an Ivysaur in the alley, you warned me about getting too emotional, and I realized later it's because you are that guy. You really do wear your heart on your sleeve, you know.

Goh's face displays regret  
Goh looks down at the floor

ASH: But you know what? 

Ash pauses

ASH: It's really beautiful. Don't change, OK? You have taught me a lot.

Goh's voice cracks

GOH: I...I have?

ASH: Yeah. 

Ash sounds sure

ASH: So thanks for being you.

Ash shows his teeth in a large smile  
Goh laughs while blushing

GOH: Thanks Ash. I'm glad you're you, too. And thanks for letting me vent.

ASH: Anytime, buddy!

Goh wipes his eyes

GOH: Can I ask you another question?

ASH: Sure!

GOH: Are there people that you think of that you wish you could be closer to? Like, in a more than a friend way? Have you ever thought about anyone that way? A girl? Or a guy?

Ash looks puzzled

ASH: To be honest, I don't think about it all that much. I'm so focused on traveling and training, I try not to sit and think too much about a different kind of life. Maybe I should, but I don't know if I'm ready. One of my friends, Serena...she gave me a kiss when we said goodbye.

Goh's eyes are huge

GOH: I...I...OK.

ASH: And it shocked me. Like, I knew she was a little sweet on me, but Serena's a real sweetheart to everyone! So it stunned me, and I had no idea what to say or do. I didn't really kiss her back, because I had never been kissed before, and she took me by surprise, you know? So once I could knock the stupid look off of my face, and I noticed her blushing - she looked like a doll, honestly - all I could do was smile and wave.

Goh is hesitant

GOH: Did...you want that to happen? Deep down? Do you recall how you felt?

ASH: Well, it was a sad day because we were all saying goodbye after being together for so long, but we were all handling it well, if I remember right. Even though she didn't ask, she just did it, I wasn't mad. In fact, I was just fine. I like her, but I wasn't ready to think about how much I could or should like her. She's a good friend, and has the best heart! I hope she's happy, though.

Ash looks mildly regretful, but resolves it in one beat

ASH: Aww, Serena. I miss you a lot!

Goh stares with affection

ASH: Even as a research fellow, meeting so many great men and women, my thoughts of them are loud in the moment, but often fade by the time I'm involved in a new assignment. I don't think I've ever mentioned this, but I have an attention deficit. And I'm hyperactive -

Ash chuckles

ASH: but you already knew that.

Goh smiles sweetly

GOH: Yeah, I knew that one.

Ash and Goh laugh together

ASH: My friend Brock is really handsome, and I look up to him. I go sort of goofy when he's around, now that I think of it! But he's got it bad for women. Like, bad bad.

They laugh together  
Goh recalls

GOH: Wait, you don't mean Brock from the rock gym?

ASH: I do, yeah! Pewter City! We traveled for the longest time. Gosh, he was there for me through so much stuff. And he had a lot going on, too. And we just dealt with it, together. He's several years older, so he's like the big brother I never had! 

Goh grins in understanding

ASH: But yeah, he's a really nice guy, and nice looking, too! So maybe I do think about this sort of thing every once in a while. I don't think I've ever considered my feelings toward anyone before Serena. But now here you are, talking with me about my feelings.

Goh mildly panics

GOH: I'm sorry, Ash, I wasn't trying to make you uncomfortable. I promise!

Ash reassures

ASH: Oh no, it's ok. You can talk to me anytime!

Ash puts his arm around Goh's shoulder

ASH: I trust you.

Goh sighs

GOH: Thanks so much, Ash. That means a lot to me.

ASH: No problem.

GOH: Hey Ash? Remember when everyone at the lab came down with a cold, and Chloe made us sit together with three huge boxes of tissue to watch Anne With An E?

ASH: Is that the show where we all took turns crying?

Goh chuckles

GOH: Yeah, that's the one! Remember that guy Cole?

Ash thinks hard

ASH: The Doctor?

GOH: No, no, that's Gilbert Blythe. Cole was the guy who was different. He liked boys, and that was not good in the old days, I suppose.

ASH: Oh him, yeah. I remember now.

GOH: Do you think I'm -

Goh hesitates for two beats

GOH: like Cole?

Ash is thoughtful

ASH: I don't know, Goh, what do you think?

Goh acts embarrassed

GOH: I think I'm like Cole, but I don't understand it all yet. I don't want to be lonely, but I don't know how to...how to...love...being the way I am.

Goh closes his eyes with his head down  
Ash removes his arm from around Goh

ASH: I'm sorry you're feeling lonely.

Ash speaks sternly

ASH: I know you'll figure it out. You're so smart! You're gonna be OK! I know it!

Goh looks up at the ceiling, avoiding eye contact

GOH: How about you, Ash? Do you think you are Cole, too?

Ash looks disappointed  
Ash replies in a low voice

ASH: I don't think I know what I am right now.

Goh immediately puts his hand on Ash's knee in attempt to halt an apology

GOH: It's ok. I appreciate you answering my questions, and thinking things out with me. I have a hard time understanding myself, but I'm trying very hard. Because I want to be happy, and not drive people away when I'm not happy. I'm too sensitive -

Ash interrupts

ASH: Nope. 

Ash shakes his head in disapproval

ASH: Hey, listen, don't say that. Being sensitive, especially to those around you, is really important. In fact, it's a super power!

Ash balls his fists

ASH: Don't be so hard on yourself, OK? Heck, sometimes when I notice that look in your eyes that you get when you're being really sensitive, all I can do is stare and think, "What a good friend Goh is. I'm really happy to know a guy like him."

Goh blushes

GOH: Ash, I don't think I deserve all of that.

Ash lightly punches Goh's upper arm

ASH: Yeah ya do. Now, is the Q & A over? I'm starving!

Goh smiles and nods

GOH: Yeah, OK. Let's get you a plate of scones. But seriously, Ash, those table manners!

ASH: Hey now!

They both laugh and exit the room


End file.
